I have been overweight since childhood. I have had likes and dislikes in life, personal loss, faced depression, lost friends, been heartbroken, but one thing seems to be endless throughout my journey was my mother and my crying……….. and my mother’s constant support to me.
The other day, my whole family decided to go out for dinner to celebrate mum’s birthday. I got ready and stepped out of my room. My mom called me in her room to ask which one of the dresses should she wear. As soon as I entered her room she noticed my bulging tummy and taunted me as to how fat I am getting and better I start doing exercise. I thought to myself ‘Losing 20 kgs is halwa, she thinks?’ Anyway, on that remark, I replied ‘not only my tummy I am bulging out from everywhere and I can’t figure it out how should I start losing weight.’
I m not defying my mother or have any disregard for her (maybe many of you will think after reading this article) but I just want to put my point forward from my perspective. I know my mother wish me well and says everything which is beneficial for me. Every parent do that? And it should be this way only.
So hear me out.
My problem is not being persistent whatever I do. If I start from watching my food, the next day I see myself overeating again because of some reason. The next day, if I decide to start exercising by myself and working out, which goes to the drain in a week. I can’t seem to take out time even for a little workout. For anything to achieve, you need to be persistent, need perseverance and motivation. And I lack all of these things. there is no self-control over food. I am constantly fretting over little issues and taking tension way above normal levels.
Anyway, on the way to the restaurant, I was quiet the whole way, didn’t speak much because my mood was already ruined and I thought to myself that how anyone can demean me or taunt me? I never do that to others. Then why me? I tried to normalize myself thinking that she has said nothing new I don’t know. Let’s deal with it tomorrow. Have a nice evening today.
After a while, we reached the hotel, I tried to relax in the charming company of my family, food and my little nephew’s pranks. But I wasn’t made to forget what I had just received at home. My mother asked other family members to take more food, asked to be comfortable except me. I was neither asked nor offered. In fact, at one point I was taunted or stopped in eating more and on occasions just denied a particular dish. It hurt me badly. From childhood, I have been stopped from eating food/dishes.
I, being fat will be denied and stopped in even eating one chapati and thin people who are not even interested in eating with you or family gathering will be encouraged to eat more. Funny, Isn’t it! How it works? But, I have been facing this my whole life…..with my family and my friends.
I still remember, in school also, when I was sick with high fever, my headmistress Mrs. Despande would refuse to sign my application for a half day saying that, ‘you look fine by your face. Why are you lying fat girl’?
May God give them all the heaven they need.
Anyway, at the end of the evening, when the bill came, mom took out her credit card to pay. After two failed attempts the card still didn’t work. Lucky for them, I carried my card and I paid the bill. Everyone was so impressed and said thank you. But for me, I thought its good nobody paid for me. (Even though I had all the healthy options at the dinner and watched my portions)
I don’t know why people are so intimated by me of what I am and how I eat. I am not going to eat their food. I should rather skip going to dinners or just watch them eat. (HAHAHA) or eat absolutely little and go on chatter about how average the food is or I don’t like it or I m so full. (like some of my friends do ) I should stop eating in public and eat alone at home too. That was my verdict on that day. Today, I am back to normal, trying to figure out how to start losing weight so as to people won’t be embarrassed by my size or intimated by me. Maybe my size won’t allow people to comfort me or sympathize with me, today. But maybe one day, people will stop taunting me and offer me to eat a little more.